These are my confessions...
I don't want to dwell on morbid topics here, that's not really what my blog is all about. But I think the purpose of having a blog is two-fold...to have a place to air my opinions and start conversations on topics I find interesting, and to act as sort of a catharsis for the stuff in my head, particularly the stuff I don't know what to do with. This post meets both of those criteria.
I was watching Oprah the other day, I believe it was Monday's show, and she was doing a special report from the Astrodome in Texas regarding the after-math of Hurricane Katrina. She was up in a balcony and on the field behind her you could see thousands of people milling about. She had just been to New Orleans and the surrounding areas to see for herself what was going on.
Let me interrupt myself here and say I have been sporadically watching the news coverage of HK. I've heard the reports that the people were starting to go a little crazy and were becoming violent. I've heard the blame game being played over and over. I haven't been paying close attention. Why would I? I don't know anyone in New Orleans. I wasn't personally affected by this tragedy.
So, I'm watching Oprah, and she goes to the New Orleans Superdome where the most people were sheltered and the most violence has occurred. She was talking to the mayor who strongly advised her not to go into that facility. She insisted. He told her he wanted her to say on camera that she was releasing them of all liability if anything should happen to her inside. She did so.
She walked inside. Immediately, she was overwhelmed by the stench and the trash that was piled up everywhere. She walked from the foyer area into the dome and was struck by the darkness. She (and I) had never thought about the fact that those people in there were not only stuck for several days without food or water, they were also in complete darkness because there are no windows in a stadium. She spoke with several people and they told her they had decided to leave the Superdome and take their chances on the streets because it was so dangerous inside. The police told her that the gangs of New Orleans were no longer fighting each other, they were uniting to make the most of their resources. Children were being raped. People were being murdered. Others were dying because they were sick before HK and were now left with no medicine or medical care. There was no way to remove the dead.
I was overcome with emotion watching this. I started to realize that in the deepest, darkest, blackest places of my heart and mind, I had been thinking..."Well, those people didn't get out when they had the chance, so in a way they're just getting what they deserve." Or "They're poor and stupid and stubborn." Or "We can't help it if no one could get through because their city was laid out in such a ridiculous way." I am a horrible person. I am dirty and nasty. It was so easy to be blasé about something I really knew nothing about. No one, no matter what their situation, deserves to be left in the dark, without food, without water, surrounded by dead people and people who want you dead, for days on end. Who wouldn't go crazy in conditions like that?
I am so ashamed to have even had a hidden thought that they might deserve what they were going through. I am so ashamed that I dismissed the seriousness of this disaster because I wasn't "personally affected." That I was not more concerned as a human being and particularly as a Christian about what they were experiencing.
I have no idea what the federal government was doing during the last week, but after seeing the inside of that Superdome, and hearing some of the people talk about what’s been going on, I can say with confidence...it wasn't enough. If you want to argue that they didn't have proper planning in the city of New Orleans, and it was their own responsibility to be prepared for hurricanes considering where they live, I won't disagree. But to leave people, human beings, Americans on their own soil, in those conditions for that long is unacceptable.
I don't know what could have been done. I don't know what can be done now. I'm not a structural engineer or a political analyst. I just know that I had to face some serious facts about myself and my own heart this week. I had to admit that just when I start to think I've arrived as a Christian and that I'm doing pretty well, I discover that I am still truly black on the inside. Not the immediate inside, but the really deep place that I rarely acknowledge and never let people see. It amazes me that Jesus, who is perfect and holy, would accept someone like me. It hit me like it has never hit me before that I am so not like Jesus. I may be better than I once was, but I have, by no means, arrived. God, forgive me for being so cocky before and for not caring about people the way You do.
I was watching Oprah the other day, I believe it was Monday's show, and she was doing a special report from the Astrodome in Texas regarding the after-math of Hurricane Katrina. She was up in a balcony and on the field behind her you could see thousands of people milling about. She had just been to New Orleans and the surrounding areas to see for herself what was going on.
Let me interrupt myself here and say I have been sporadically watching the news coverage of HK. I've heard the reports that the people were starting to go a little crazy and were becoming violent. I've heard the blame game being played over and over. I haven't been paying close attention. Why would I? I don't know anyone in New Orleans. I wasn't personally affected by this tragedy.
So, I'm watching Oprah, and she goes to the New Orleans Superdome where the most people were sheltered and the most violence has occurred. She was talking to the mayor who strongly advised her not to go into that facility. She insisted. He told her he wanted her to say on camera that she was releasing them of all liability if anything should happen to her inside. She did so.
She walked inside. Immediately, she was overwhelmed by the stench and the trash that was piled up everywhere. She walked from the foyer area into the dome and was struck by the darkness. She (and I) had never thought about the fact that those people in there were not only stuck for several days without food or water, they were also in complete darkness because there are no windows in a stadium. She spoke with several people and they told her they had decided to leave the Superdome and take their chances on the streets because it was so dangerous inside. The police told her that the gangs of New Orleans were no longer fighting each other, they were uniting to make the most of their resources. Children were being raped. People were being murdered. Others were dying because they were sick before HK and were now left with no medicine or medical care. There was no way to remove the dead.
I was overcome with emotion watching this. I started to realize that in the deepest, darkest, blackest places of my heart and mind, I had been thinking..."Well, those people didn't get out when they had the chance, so in a way they're just getting what they deserve." Or "They're poor and stupid and stubborn." Or "We can't help it if no one could get through because their city was laid out in such a ridiculous way." I am a horrible person. I am dirty and nasty. It was so easy to be blasé about something I really knew nothing about. No one, no matter what their situation, deserves to be left in the dark, without food, without water, surrounded by dead people and people who want you dead, for days on end. Who wouldn't go crazy in conditions like that?
I am so ashamed to have even had a hidden thought that they might deserve what they were going through. I am so ashamed that I dismissed the seriousness of this disaster because I wasn't "personally affected." That I was not more concerned as a human being and particularly as a Christian about what they were experiencing.
I have no idea what the federal government was doing during the last week, but after seeing the inside of that Superdome, and hearing some of the people talk about what’s been going on, I can say with confidence...it wasn't enough. If you want to argue that they didn't have proper planning in the city of New Orleans, and it was their own responsibility to be prepared for hurricanes considering where they live, I won't disagree. But to leave people, human beings, Americans on their own soil, in those conditions for that long is unacceptable.
I don't know what could have been done. I don't know what can be done now. I'm not a structural engineer or a political analyst. I just know that I had to face some serious facts about myself and my own heart this week. I had to admit that just when I start to think I've arrived as a Christian and that I'm doing pretty well, I discover that I am still truly black on the inside. Not the immediate inside, but the really deep place that I rarely acknowledge and never let people see. It amazes me that Jesus, who is perfect and holy, would accept someone like me. It hit me like it has never hit me before that I am so not like Jesus. I may be better than I once was, but I have, by no means, arrived. God, forgive me for being so cocky before and for not caring about people the way You do.
posted by Michelle at 12:23 PM
9 Comments:
Hey Michelle, you should turn on fox news. The military has to be invited into a city in order to help. The governor told the national gaurd and the trucks with supplies to stay away from the super dome, and other such places, because she didn't want the word to get out and more people to go there. While they were trying to get everyone out. As far as Opera, she is a democrat, so naturally she is going to go about this thing very one sided. I counted atleast 5-6 times where someone said "where was the government", and you and I both know as video editors that they were trying to get a point across. They are playing the finger pointing game. Getting everyone down to LA costs alot of money and takes time. I agree that this is very traggic, and I pray every night for the people who lost everything - however, at the same time I know that this country will rebuild itself. It always does. And it is because of our strong leadership and government that this will be able to happen. Okay I think that is about all I have to say for now :-)
[1st]
Okay, I'm going to approach this as carefully as possible. First, I did not intend this post to be political. It was more about a personal moment of spiritual discovery that I wanted to share. However, since politics have been brought up, let me make a few points that may or may not be controversial (we'll see)...
1. Fox News - it's really a love-hate relationship that I have with Fox News. Good for them being Conservative. People need to understand, though, that having a Conservative bias is just as bad as having a Liberal bias. Fox News is not unbiased...they're just biased in the way Christians want them to be, so that makes it ok (that's not a personal attack, Jess, just a general statement).
2. Procedures - As I said in my original post, I don't know what all was done and have no suggestions for what needs to be done. I just feel like on a city, county, state, and national level, whatever was done was insufficient to provide for the Gulf Coast residents.
3. Oprah - I don't agree with all of her politics and I'm not her biggest fan. However, if her agenda is to get me to care more about the people affected by HK, I'm not going to insult that. I wish more people would stop finger pointing and get the word out that these people's lives are crap right now and they need help and love.
I know it will take time to fix all of the HK damage. I know the blame game will continue to be played, and I'm going to try to avoid that. I just was really shocked at my own reaction to all of this and thought that, by sharing, I could challenge others to look inward as well.
The political can of worms has been opened, and I won't try to close it...just please understand I wasn't trying to get into a political debate with my original post.
Also, thanks Ashleigh for the encouragement! It's all about continuing to grow, right? Good comment.
michelle and jason, nothing was taken personally - everyone has their own view on the situation at hand, and or way they handle it. since i am surrounded by politically obssessed people, i can get hyped up really easily. sorry bout that. What i said about opera, i didn't mean for the democrat statement to come out like that. I was just merely frustrated that our president is being blamed for everything gone wrong, when in fact it is not his fault. As far as the comments about fox news (I realize now how completely stupid that actually looked), I fear that was a bit of my dad coming out of me - and I apologize! again, i just get frustrated with the blame game. and Jason, the word democrat (though i may have made it come across this way) does not mean wrong. However, I do personally disagree with a majority of what democrats stand for. That is what i was trying to say. Trying to stay away from the political blog that michelle doesn't want (sorry). I will end here :-)
Anyway, michelle I am with you - and like i said in your other post - I feel rather selfish, and wish that in some way i could do more. I think we can all learn a lesson from all the volunteers helping with the situation. You are not the only one who has thought such things, but as ashliegh so perfectly put it "He forgives us". God is awesome like that.
Hey Michelle! Don't feel like you are alone! It's hard to get your hands around something like this. And I must admit that it wasn't until Tuesday night that I could feel it's impact. Our best friends in Spartanburg now have their in-laws living with them. They came with three sets of clothes, thinking that this whole mess would only set them back a few days. Little did they know. On Tuesday, my friend's brother enlisted in Spartanburg High School, the parents were searching for a place to move in Spartanburg, and life is starting over for them. What was thought to be a little vacation has turned into a permanent relocation. They were told that it would be December before they were even allowed into the city to see if anything was left of their house. The school systems in New Orleans have closed for the year! Hard to imagine!
very well put bird. i think that is how we all are feeling.
Michelle: I watched the same episode of opera...and had a very similiar experience. i had no idea the level of devastation. i posted on my blog about it.
Julie: I live in spartanburg. if i can help your friends in anyway, let me know, please.
~chrissy :)
MW,
I really appreciated this post because it's political in the Apostle Paul way and not the Jerry Falwell way. It's about Lordship. Jesus is ruler and rules in love, not Ceasar. Love is the crown, not popular office
It's interesting that when you question the government's role, people tend to think you're talking about the Administration. It means that Jon Kerry was right. We're too divided. Those of us who voted for Bush sometimes forget that for all the moral high ground we think we hold, Republican social policy is arguably as unbiblical as Democrat's views on the sanctity of life, etc. (as if any political system built on vested interests could be biblical!). And both mean life and death for human beings. Christians need toe only one line: Death to self that we might live. Death to interests that we might point to Christ.
There is only one reason for this tragedy that should concern the Church: God has allowed an opportunity for his people to be the light of the world. To be the preservative (salt) where decay and the rottenness of sin would readily set in.
At the risk of sounding churchy in that old-fashioned kind of way, Amen, Seth! Thanks for the comment.
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